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The story ends here

Duke passed away last night. He was worn out by being sick for so long. I love and miss him. He was a good man and a wonderful husband. I got an extra month with him that I didn’t expect. It was gift, having him wake up and communicate. He told me that he loved me, he wanted to come home. I want to thank everyone who helped me, the people who sat with him, the ones who donated blood, the ones who tried to donate blood, the people who have been so generous to us financially. Those of you who prayed for him. Those of you who ran errands for me, who helped us in too many ways to post here. At this time, there isn’t going to be a memorial service, I am too worn out. Maybe later when things aren’t so raw, we can get together and celebrate his life.    

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I miss my husband

When I kissed my husband good bye Tuesday afternoon and told him I was going to go have surgery but I would be back as soon as I could, I almost didn’t leave.  The idea of him being more aware and me not being there for him made me conflicted. Yes, I had wonderful people lined up to stay with him, but they weren’t me. However, I waited a long time for this breast reconstruction and really needed to have it for physical reasons. My left shoulder has dropped, my rib cage has expanded on the right side, and my shoulder hurts all the time. While I was waiting for my turn to go in, my surgeon texted me. He came out to see me, the details don’t matter, but he ended up rescheduling my surgery for next month. I was so happy, if I had canceled, I might not have been rescheduled. Every night when I go to bed, ...

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Short update

Duke is doing much better, he still has a throat infection but it’s getting taken care of. It was pretty gross last week, with phlegm oozing out of his trach tube. Imagine the worst snotty nose your kid ever had and then imagine it coming out of a tube in someone’s throat. I took pictures but feel no need to post them, you can thank me later. He is moving his left arm very well, his right a little bit. He can’t move his legs by himself yet. I know he is more aware, since he was trying to get me to give him some water but I didn’t understand, “Wrg” so he managed to say some that sounded like “Ow Wah” (agua). I was impressed. It takes some reasoning skill to make the transition from speaking English to changing to Spanish.  I guess you had to be there. Tomorrow afternoon, I am going in for surgery. It’s making me ...

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How do you feel about donating some blood?

Thank you all! It took 8 tries but Duke got his 3 units of blood donated in his name. I am so grateful to everyone. Are you under 65? Not taking any medication? Healthy? Want a free blood analysis? Weigh more than 52 kilos soaking wet? The guidelines say 50 but they refused one of my donors because she didn’t weigh 52 with clothes on. Duke needs to pay back 2 units of blood that he received, plus the one he owes for being in the hospital for so long. It doesn’t matter the blood type, he just has to pay back the units. So far, out of 5 generous people who have attempted to give blood, only one was qualified. One was too thin, and the other three are now aware of some health issues. The last time I posted this I got a lot of responses, but unfortunately they were from people who could not donate. Blood Bank ...

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Duke update 2 or is it 3?

Duke’s been in the hospital now for about 5 weeks. Right now he is battling a throat infection. The original double pneumonia is gone. The hospital pneumonia that he picked up to take it’s place has also been vanquished. The other infections seem to be gone too. Yesterday and last night, he was producing an unimaginable amount of phlegm. Today it seems to be less. This morning, I woke up thinking, “I want to talk to Duke about that,” and then realized that I couldn’t. I started to cry and cry. One of my dear friends accepted my phone call, and we talked and talked until I felt under control again. However, this has made me realize that I can’t continue to spend as much time at the hospital as I have been doing. My Spanish speaking friends, both new and old, have been relieving me so I can spend a few hours at home, but I think that what ...

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Duke is awake!

Yesterday, the doctors performed a tracheostomy on Duke. As you already know, I was preparing myself for the worst. Joanna, Beth, and I went to the funeral home and looked into the procedure to have him cremated, plus we wanted to make sure that I had the proper paperwork on hand. Things are looking different today, he woke up, he is responsive, he can’t talk or squeeze my hand, but he can blink and shrug! There is no way to discribe my mood, I am still well aware that he is in critical condition but he is awake! I didn’t think he would ever wake up and be responsive ever again. Let me digress a minute from Duke to tell you about the incrediable outpouring of love and support we have been getting. It is truly humbling, they say that you get back what you put out but I assure you I could not possibly have put out what I am ...

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Duke

Duke is not getting better. he partially opened his eyes, but he doesn’t react to anything. They did a CAT scan and it came out okay, but it’s probably lack of oxygen or too much CO2. I have no words, all I can do is sit by his side and tell  him I love him. I went yesterday to talk to the Funeral Home, so that is all handled. I don’t have internet at the O’Horan, so I am out of contact with many people. This all I can stand to write. This is one of my favorite photos of Duke, we were in Campeche.

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Update on Husband

First thank you all for your good wishes and prayers. Usually I answer each and every comment but I beg your indulgence, please consider this post as my letter to all of you. Duke, my husband, is in ICU at Clinica de Merida. He’s been there since the evening of September 30th. He is sedated and intubated. Hindsight is a killer, isn’t it? I am trying very hard to be present, and not regret any of my decisions along the way. Just like in my parenting, I know that I have done the best I can with the information that I had at the time. Duke (and yes, that is his real name) is a private person, very introverted and quiet.Which is why I always refer to him as Husband on my blog. For the last couple of months he has been tired and irritable. Looking back, I now realize that he was probably not getting enough oxygen. My best ...

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No posts for a while

My husband has double pneumonia and has been in the hospital since Wednesday night (the 23rd of September) and is now in the ICU. He is very very ill. They intubated him last night, he is sedated. I’m not at my best,so no posts for a bit.

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Mr.Dog 2.0

Mr. Dog was his alias, though to be honest, I would call him that when I wanted to sound stern. It’s been over two years since he passed away. Husband says no other dog will be able to take his place. That’s true, but I really missed having a dog around the house. So many things kept us from getting a new dog.  It was too soon, we wanted to travel, I was sick, we wanted to sell the house. Well, it’s been 2 years 2 months since Pepper died, that’s a long enough mourning period. Sometimes I think that I see him in the corner still. While thinking of him being gone still makes me feel sad, I feel it’s time to move on. We haven’t done any travel, mostly due to the high cost of herceptin treatment. I’m as well as I’m going to get, though I could stand to shed a few more pounds. And finally, neither of ...

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